I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
These tits shall not be calmed
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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