FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Still dying that you shit outside
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
