i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
