I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize