my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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