Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
