i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
