the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and she was petting her beer can
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
