So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
