I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize