thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
