If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize