is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
