The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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