i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
