He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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