I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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