No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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