is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
