dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was born a porn star she said
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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