i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
