Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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