i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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