I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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