Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
