Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
