Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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