I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
