My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
there is glitter all over my balls
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