i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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