Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Randomize
