dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
