Porn is love you can see.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
