Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
