you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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