theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Text me some of your sweat
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
