This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
