she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
a search helicopter?!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
