I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
