Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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