I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
this is an emotional support booty call
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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