you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
