WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
