Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
