there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
