Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
