I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
