Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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