Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
