yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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