just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
