Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
