ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
