Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
