i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
