Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
