We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
