I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Come on in and take your pants off
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