just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
