i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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