so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
