I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
