Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
