but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize