i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
