A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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