**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
