Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
