my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
