Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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