Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
