Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
