We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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