Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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