She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
