Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
