Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
