You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
