yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
