How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize