I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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