Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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