just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
