i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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