Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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