Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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