I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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