Banned from zoo.
Again?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
