My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
