Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
