I wish I could teleport
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize