why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
