I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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