im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
