Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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