i don't like sucking hair
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
