This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
