I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
