If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
