Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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