I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
