Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
