if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
