Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
